Thursday, November 15, 2012

POS - Funny secession rebuttal

So secession has been in the news lately, with upset red staters calling for the union to dissolve because they are pissy that Obama won reelection.  I was emailed this funny rebuttal by my dad and wanted to share it with you because I thought this was too good not to share.  Enjoy!

Dear Red States:

We're pissed at your attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.

We in the Blue States intend to form our own country . 

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, Nevada, New Mexico, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Iowa, and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:
-You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
-We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
-We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
-We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
-We get Intel, Microsoft, Amazon, Facebook, & Google. You get WorldCom.
-We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
-We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
-We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
-Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than your Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulphur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Michigan, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.


The Blue Wall

Yeah, this about sums up the brainpower behind the calls to secede.


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